quinta-feira, dezembro 29, 2005

How to Dance Gothic - Chapter One

You went out to your local goth club in your black velvet frock coat, your hair teased up bigger and rattier than Edward Scissorhands’, and lace dripping from your wrists and throat. You looked fabulous. But as soon as you got on the dance floor, everyone started laughing — eventually, they had to toss you out of the club for being “deleterious to the proper level of angst.”

You need to learn to dance gothic.

It’s not that hard; just learn these simple moves and soon you can blend in with all the other spooky individuals on the dance floor at your local batcave. After all, for such an individualistic crowd, it’s kind of surprising how goths all seem to use the same moves. Maybe it’s something encoded in the Goth Genes™ rather than just lack of originality...

All difficulties and Goth Ratings are on a scale of one (pathetically easy or ridiculously non-gothic) to five (tragically difficult or stylishly über-gothic).

Washing the Windows

Put your hands in front of your face or maybe upper torso, elbows bent at about a 45-degree angle. Your palms should face away from your body, and your arms, wrists and fingers should be very loose. Now make swirly motions with your hands — the usual is circles going outwards at the top and back in towards the center of your body at the bottom, but some people just wave their hands around seemingly at random in a vertical plane in front of their faces. For maximum goth effect, the rotation of your circles should be a little out of phase — one hand should reach 12 o’clock in its circle a little bit before the other one.

It helps if you make slight wavy motions with your fingers while you’re doing this one. These motions need to be slow, however — you don’t want it to look like you’re waving bye-bye; you want it to look like your fingers are gently weaving in an almost hypnotic pattern. Don’t move your circles independently — that just winds up looking silly.

Variation: For extra stylishness, you can move the center-points of your two circles simultaneously from one side to the other, letting your hands trail off into some other gesture when they get too far.
More to come.. ;)

sexta-feira, dezembro 16, 2005

The Goth-O-Matic Poetry Generator


You're probably wondering how such tormented and artistic individuals pen such magnificently dark epics, where they got their expressive names, and how you can crank out the same self-pitying drivel, uh, create your own shadowed and unearthly opus. Read this list of handy tips for the proper creation of Darkly Gothic Poems. Then choose an appropriate subject from the page of poems, and the Goth-O-MaticTM will help you express your inner angst!

Darkly Gothic Tip 1: DarkRaven's probably already taken
Choose an appropriate gothic moniker by which you wish to be addressed. Feel free to throw a couple of appropriately dark and wicked words together to form something mysterious with which to impress your nonpoetic friends. Adding a color to a predatory bird is still reasonably popular, as is naming yourself after one or two of the notable entities in Hell.

Darkly Gothic Tip 2: Choose an appropriate subject
Things such as darkness, loss, pain, grief, madness, death, night, and the bloodthirsty undead make good topics for darkly gothic poems. You cannot create a darkly gothic emotional abyss about how hard your Spanish class is, or how Mom gives you grief for wearing black eye liner.

Darkly Gothic Tip 3: Read Edgar Allan Poe
If you don't know Poe...

Darkly Gothic Tip 4: Feel free to hurt!
Go ahead and let that emotional turmoil draw you into depression. It makes you create better. You can always pull out of it, right? You don't want to commit suicide, but you want to make everyone think you do. Oh, and don't be that person that goes to schools and starts gunning down innocents; those people have some sort of weird revenge or God complex, and they never write good poetry.

Darkly Gothic Tip 5: Don't try to create a darkly gothic poem at 2:15 on a sunny Friday afternoon in a hip artsy coffee house drinking a decaf mocha espresso
Enough said.

Darkly Gothic Tip 6: Go ahead and chop it up
Don't worry about how short the lines of your darkly gothic poem are. Feel free to devote every line to a scant few words or even a single word. Remember, solitude makes something stand out by itself, um, well, by definition. Consider the following:
'Falling ever darkly intothe ebon abyss of feral eyes,screaming againstthe groping fingers of yourblack obsessive passion,torment.'
...Wow! Did you feel that torment at the end? We know we did. Hey, entire outpourings of tormented souls have been contained within a couple of fingerspans on the left. The best poems will make you scroll down a Web page after only twenty words or so.

Darkly Gothic Tip 7: Yeah, yeah, dark, blood, heard that one before
Grab that thesaurus and rape it. The more methods you have of saying the same word over again will vastly increase your wordsmithing. Using little-known words like 'eidolon,' 'inexorable,' 'vitae' or 'etiolated' will give you a depth which not-so-darkly gothic poets will envy.

Darkly Gothic Tip 8: Blow it way out of proportion
Go off about that personal angst. Rant in a depressingly deep way about the heartless one who left you alone and barren in the world because you were too depressingly deep. Describe the vision of the ethereal path you have chosen; make sure there's dark fog wisping through it. Display your broken and tattered soul for all to see. Occasionally stopping and reaching your arms out in the stigmata position helps stretch those creative muscles. Take minor everyday objects (a clock) and make them looming and malicious (a stark, cruel reminder of inevitable mortality, blank and accusing, every second drawing inexorably closer to oblivion).

Darkly Gothic Tip 9: Use those bleak images!
If you're building a poetry Web page, or any goth page for that matter, it is imperative that you include any picture of an angel statue or gravemarker you can find. Those weeping Mary ones, or angels with heads bowed, make your poetry that much more painful to read. Ah, I mean convey your pain all the more. If you can combine it with images of dead roses and a few spinning-ankh bars, so much the better.

Darkly Gothic Tip 10: Get inspired!
Of course, one can't always be at one's utmost ghoulish. Sometimes, even the undead can get that pesky writer's block (let alone the occasional artery block). Be creative! Go out to a local cemetery and read the tombstones. Find a large flat one and lie down upon it, reveling in your closeness to the dead. Lock yourself in a darkened room and read H.P. Lovecraft stories to yourself until you sob with horror. Got that feeling that needs creative writer's block healing? The brave even move toward ancient Celtic, or even Runic manuscripts for that special surge of dark energy. Feel free to go to European cathedrals and sit through those Latin choir hymnals with a tape recorder. Practice saying everything in Vincent Price's voice.

Darkly Gothic Tip 11: Get classy with some regional interest
For a special esoteric flavour that leaves the reader aching, er, moved to their centre, go ahead and spell using the Queen's English. Go check out that great medieval literature, the ever-popular Anglo-Saxon Chronicle. Use names like Ethelred, Morgoth and Vincegatorix for darkly powerful supernatural beings. Check out a medieval book from the library and write a poem about the torment of translating Middle English while blinking from the blood dripping into your eyes. Let your imbalanced humours bleakly shine!

Darkly Gothic Tip 12: Don't be (that) afraid of sunlight
Every Darkly Gothic Poem need not be written about distant fogs rolling through twilight graveyards (but boy, do those poems taste good). Let the sun bring to light in your poetry your horrible guilt, your significant other's hypocrisy, and your self-absorbed pity, I mean, your hidden meekness. Let that eye-searing daystar expose your naked insignificance, burning you to your angst-ridden soul.

Darkly Gothic Tip 13: Have fun with it!
Wait... no, forget that, I'm sorry. Don't have fun with it. This isn't about fun.

terça-feira, dezembro 06, 2005

Victoria Francés

Espanhola, 20 e poucos anos, admiradora/seguidora de Giger e Royo.

Definitivamente, um must see. *so goth*

Lecho de Muerte

Dark Spirit

Vampyre Girl

quinta-feira, dezembro 01, 2005